See Through: A Self Portrait

Who are you? And how do you fit into society? These are just some of the questions that we attempted to answer this unit in our STEAM class, Systems and Models. By studying different psychologists, studies and personality tests, we contextualized ourselves within society and internally. Figuring out who you are as a person is something everyone has to do, and it can sometimes be a lifelong quest. Putting yourself into boxes is not always the best thing, but getting a basic overlook into how you deal with conflict, how you interact with others, your thought processes and more can be incredibly insightful and can be used to expand upon. For our Action Project this unit, our goal was to visualize what we learned about ourselves in a self-portrait.

“See Through” 
8.5”x6”
Acetate, acrylic paint, permanent marker, embroidery floss

I decided to use a transparent material for the background of my art piece because I wanted it to feel like there was no background and as if it could fit anywhere. Because I am an INTP personality type (introverted, introspective, thinking and prospective), one of my skills is being able to place myself in most situations and thrive. As stated by the Myers & Briggs Foundation, “Tolerant and flexible, [they] are quiet observers until a problem appears, then [they] act quickly to find workable solutions.” There are certain parts of myself that I always carry with me, regardless of what situation I am in at the time, which I chose to represent through the different layers of acetate. According to the Enneagram, I am a Type 6 with a strong 5 Wing. Nicknamed ‘The Defender’, a Type 6 wing 5 is loyal, ambitious, and often has wandering thoughts. According to the Enneagram Institute, “Excellent ‘troubleshooters,’ they [Type 6’s] foresee problems and foster cooperation, but can also become defensive, evasive, and anxious—running on stress while complaining about it.” I very much agree with this assessment of myself, and I strongly identify with many of the descriptors, especially the need to be political and involved in world news. To represent this aspect of myself on my art piece, I chose to add embroidery to one of the layers. Embroidery is a form of art that takes a lot of time and patience, and I think it represents a willingness to keep going. It also serves as a useful metaphor for social movements and protests; even though one stitch doesn’t add much when they all come together, they create something beautiful. Working together with people who are reaching towards the same goal is such a rewarding experience, and, through my social activism, I have found my purpose.

One of the most important parts of my life is my involvement in my community as an LGBT person. I included small symbols of the transgender flag and the rainbow pride flag to show my pride. I truly wouldn’t be the same person that I am today if I wasn’t lucky enough to be part of the Queer community. One of the things that has really helped me in my journey for figuring out my gender identity and sexuality has been the research of Dr. Alfred Kinsey. Even though he completed most of his research in the 1930s and 40s when being gay in the United States was still illegal and transgender people were considered mentally ill, his research and studies are still extremely relevant today. Throughout his career, Kinsey studied people of all different identities and was the first psychologist to acknowledge the fluidity of gender and sexuality. He came up with many terms to describe different attractions, including bisexual, which is what I identify as. As he wrote in his seminal report, Sexual Behavior of the Human Female, “Many persons do not want to believe that there are gradations in these matters from one to the other extreme.” Throughout our lives, we spend so much time trying to fit everyone and everything into neat little boxes, when the truth is, most people do not. As I am neither male or female, I included both a moon and a sun, the traditional symbols of masculinity and femininity to represent that very important part of my identity. Being bisexual and genderfluid has given me a unique perspective on that part of life, and I know that Kinsey was absolutely right.

One of the most popular psychological tests that you can perform easily at home is called the Marshmallow Test which is meant to measure self-restraint. You place a marshmallow in front of the test subject and tell them that if they do not eat it for fifteen minutes, they can have a second one. Even though this may seem like a small-scale exercise, it can have real-life implications. As stated in a report about the experiments by the American Psychological Association, “Preschoolers with good self-control sacrifice the immediate pleasure of a chewy marshmallow in order to indulge in two marshmallows at some later point...shoppers resist splurging at the mall so they can save for a comfortable retirement.” I believe that I show signs of self-restraint and patience in my life over long periods, though day-to-day, I do not. I work hard to advocate for oppressed people and groups, which shows my persistence and empathy and my willingness to give up my own time for long-term change. However, in the short term, I am often impatient, with other people especially.

When somebody sees my self-portrait, I hope that they see how committed I am to my work, in activism, school, art, and more. I love challenging myself and working through issues, even when I feel like it won’t work out. I hope that my piece might inspire someone else to do some self-reflecting because this project really helped me. Even though it was very difficult to try and distill my personality into one art piece, I think the challenge was worth it at the end. One of my goals with this piece was to show how much my LGBT identity means to me.

One of the biggest challenges for me when completing this piece was embroidery. Although I have done a lot of embroideries before, working with the acetate was a much bigger issue than I expected. I had to alter the way I normally embroider and practice different stitches on extra pieces of acetate to make sure that the stitches stayed and didn’t rip through the material. Even though it was a lot of extra work, I really enjoyed the overall process. One of the things that I was proud of myself for was how accurate I was able to make my silhouette. First, I took a picture of myself in front of a window in order to create a backlit effect. After I printed the photo, I traced it out onto a sheet of acetate and painted it with black acrylic. This is where I encountered another issue. The acrylic did not stick very well to the acetate, and even after four layers of paint, there are still some areas without paint. At first, I didn’t like this, but now I really like the effect it gives to the light.

Works Cited

“Delaying Gratification.” APA.org, The American Psychological Association.
Kinsey, Alfred. “Sexual Behavior of the Human Female.” Saunders Publishing, 1948.
Myers Briggs, Isabel. “The 16 MBTI® Types.” Myers & Briggs Foundation, The Myers Briggs Foundation.
“Type Six.” EnneagramInstitute, The Enneagram Institute, 2017.